Missouri isn't awful but it isn't Michigan. Back home you can be at a mall, the beach or a bustling downtown center within fifteen minutes. Here, the closest mall is an hour away and unless you want to visit the same "antique stores" that are really just booths of junk people pulled from their garage, it gets pretty boring. I think it's because of the lack of external outlets that we have all really tested each other and pushed ourselves to the brink. Mila came into our lives ten months ago and changed us forever. I always knew having a baby would change everything but there were some things I was not prepared for - especially having a baby without having family and friends close by. So when you add a baby to a less than ideal situation (the whole being 10 hours away from everyone who would normally help you deal), there come about really, really good and bad feelings. She filled us up with this unknowable love right from the start. I'll never forget the second night in the hospital, I woke up from a much needed nap and saw Josh holding her by the window. They were both bathed in soft, early morning light and when he turned to me, he was smiling and his eyes were filled with tears. It was an unspeakable bond that gripped both of our hearts and has been holding on for dear life. Mila has made me feel so alone, worried, happy and so full at the same time, I'm sure every first time stay at home mom feels this way. Even though I do get very overwhelmed some days and wonder how much more I can take, I wouldn't change our life for anything.
Aside from our crazy little munchkin gracing us with her presence in 2013, we've had some other pretty interesting experiences. Mostly with Josh's career here in the Air Force, or lack of one I should say! So many medical problems, being disqualified for his job, getting transferred from office to office, so many other little hiccups that have led us to Josh possibly being medically discharged. We both feel conflicted on the matter. While we most definitely would LOVE to come home to everyone, we worry about our financial stability. We're not wealthy by any means but we're doing better here than we were back home. We are still anxiously awaiting a final decision but I know that what ever happens to us, we'll continue to stick together and come out stronger in the end!
Now onto my goals for the coming year :
1.) Push my photography - This year, photography has kind of been put on the back burner. I've been slowly getting back into it but I want to really expand my portfolio in 2014 and actually do some sessions for OTHER people or just get out and explore! It is something that makes me happy and I don't know why I always let it fall by the way side. NO MORE! :) I also need to learn, learn, learn all I can and really harness my skills.
2.) To not be scared to ask for "me" time! - Having a baby can take a toll on your "you-ness". I'm not blaming my daughter by any means, heck, I know it was my fault really (and $5 cookie tubs at Meijer when my husband was in Tech School) but I really feel like I have lost myself. When Josh and I met I felt extremely confident in who I was and what I wanted out of life. I have had a lot of downs this year while trying to find that woman again, I felt like I had completely lost everything I had built within myself. I felt guilty asking Josh to watch Mila for an hour, partly because he works and wants to spend time with me when he gets home and partly because it made me feel like a bad mother! But as my wonderful mother has said "Everyone needs alone time, everyone needs a breather." Boy, was she right! I know I'll probably miss them the second I'm out of the house but even a fifteen minute trip to the gym or a grocery run by myself would change my life right now! Really getting into learning my sewing machine probably couldn't hurt either!
3.) Lose The 'Tude! - I've always been quick to anger but it's even more prevalent now. Being cooped up inside the same place everyday, changing diaper after diaper, not having time to take a shower some days, having nowhere to go, no friends to get out with - it can make a lady lose her mind, sometimes even over petty things. Snapping at my husband is definitely something I need to change - I'm sure he'd agree! :P
4.) Get out - I think all of us just need to get out of the house once a week. Simple enough!
5.) Learn Some New Recipes - We need some new meals around here! I think Josh and I are both sick of the same meals week after week.
6.) Movie Nights - Josh and I have already started on this one since Mila has fallen into a better sleep schedule. We both decide on a movie and snuggle up on the couch the rest of the night. I'd love for this to continue into the new year!
Whew! Okay! Not too terribly long, eh? Well for all of you reading this, I hope you had a safe and awesome New Year's and spent it better off than we did (going to the ER to get Josh's toe cut open and drained with a scalpel...ugh)! Give someone a big ol' smooch while you're at it, too!
Here is a quick look back at 2013...
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